i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
