Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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