Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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