Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
