Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i came on her dog
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
