even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
