I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
