Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
