I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
