so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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