Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
