you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
