We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
