Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
