Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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