just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
