i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
