The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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