Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
