So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
