i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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