i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
