Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
