those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
