I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
