He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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