I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
