Where did you get a picture of my penis
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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