Kareoke will never be a sober sport
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
