i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
