I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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