Your mouth is God's brothel.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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