allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
