Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
