The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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