Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
