Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
