So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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