so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
