I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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