She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
