if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
