i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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