im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
