I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
