he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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