meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
