Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
