Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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