she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
